God, what if you don’t answer our prayers? Where will this leave my faith? How will I grieve the loss of a dream; of thought-out, well-intended plans; of a future I believed was your will?
I finally allowed myself to uncover these buried thoughts, and I wondered whether they came from Satan trying to discourage me or from God trying to prepare me. I’ve prayed for God’s will throughout this journey of waiting, but often in the assumption that it followed my will and my desires.
Then I heard God ask me a serious and single-answered question: My will or your will?
I only get to choose one answer, God? Are you asking because they are different?
So many “God things” have happened that I believed my will aligned with His will. Nevertheless, I humbled myself, I gave up those desires, and I yielded to His will…whatever that may be.
And In this moment, my heart changed. My desire no longer hung on my ambitions or pursuits or hopes or dreams; I actually yearned for His will.
It’s not that our desires are always wrong or even different from His will. But in our humanity, we are prone to be self-centered even on the path of His will. How can this be? Well, we are near-sighted — only able to see a short distance beyond our current situation — and our understanding is limited and somewhat self-consumed. I’m grateful He challenged my deepest desires.
It’s not about me. It’s not about my plans. It’s about glorifying the Eternal King; it’s about laying down my life to serve Him and to know Him more; it’s about living less for myself, and more for His purposes.
Because on this path of self-sacrifice, joy is found. And He desires us to experience the fullness of a life devoted to Christ — to His Will, to His glory — not our own. It is a path of sacrifice. It is a path of joy.